Cape or no cape?
Dillan DiGiovanni wonders if restrooms can actually become spaces where everyone feels comfortable.
For many people, neither men’s or women’s rooms feel safe, and I think that’s silly. Timely elimination is essential to good health. It shouldn’t be something people have anxiety about or need to struggle to accomplish. For the most part, we are in there to do one (or two) things, not much more. Granted, things happen at the club or even other bathrooms in other establishments a small percentage of the time. For the most part, we’re all just trying to get in and out as soon as possible and leave as few traces behind so people don’t think it was us. OR is that just me…?
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Folks who are gender non-conforming, those don’t fit traditional gender roles or cues, can have a heck of a time trying to get much-needed business done and a few little shifts would make a world of difference.
The first question I have is why? Who really gives a %&$? When I need to go, I need to go. I’m not really focusing on who else is in there and what they are doing. What’s the big threat or panic at the disco, friends? Get in there, do your thing, and mosey on.
I hear so many stories about people being confronted with fear of using the restroom. They develop a muscle of resilience and whole bag of tricks to make it work. Then, there are norms that are learned and passed down subliminally, grown from deep-seated fears coming from somewhere unknown.
I find myself celebrating when any kind of public space offers single-stall bathrooms and posts a sign that says, “restroom” outside of it. |
A friend of mine is almost six feet tall, has short brown hair and a rather slim frame. On MORE than one occasion in the ladies room, she was told she needed to leave and she had to protest her right to be in there.
I have another friend who had to time his trips to the restroom, watching the door carefully when people would enter and exit. He’s transgender. He didn’t feel comfortable using a ladies room because he, well, he looks like a guy. And he didn’t feel 100% comfortable using the men’s room because he wouldn’t have the equipment to use the urinal. They do make things that can help with this, believe it or not. He preferred to use a stall and was so paranoid about his feet facing the other way that he structured his whole day around using the restroom so other dudes wouldn’t mess with him.
Then, it occurred to him that other guys use stalls for #2. Chances are, they aren’t going to ask if that’s in fact what my friend is doing when his feet are facing the other way. He felt a sense of relief, then, and just flushes a few times to mask the sound of his peeing.
Another friend, born biologically male, said, “Funny. I have sort of a traumatic story about bathrooms from my childhood, too.” I listened and I realized that people of all identities are afraid. Everyone has stories.
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So, people who have bathroom fears develop strategies. They try to use it when they think it will be less crowded, like at a musical event or movie. They go during the middle of something, not during a break or right before or after. If there are two bathrooms, they use the one that less people are likely to be using. One guy who attends REALLY long weekend events (like 50 hours of training) and simply gave himself permission to get up during the middle of the presentations to go whenever he needed to.
What’s with the norm of women going to restrooms in groups? Why are they afraid of going alone? Since much of it seems to be around fixing/adjusting/altering physical appearance (hair/makeup/outfit), I wonder if it’s the fear of looking imperfect in some way. And how do other women perpetuate the norm that the group thing is necessary to fix things that need fixing?
Guys don’t have this, as much. There isn’t much conversation happening and wingmen are definitely not needed in the head. Instead there’s the culture of DON’T SAY A THING AT ALL. And the clearly-understood “leave a urinal between” norm that indicates the deeply embedded homophobia.
It’s 2014 and most restaurants or other establishments still have single-person bathrooms and still label them with a man shape or a lady in a skirt? I don’t know about you, but I don’t see that many people wearing skirts on a daily basis that we need to keep designating rooms that way. How have we not created an updated icon for this?
We all make the joke that the line for the ladies room is often three times longer than the line for the men’s room. During a break at a concert or performance of some kind, you follow it, snaking around. And it feels unfair. All those ladies standing there, waiting to relieve a full bladder while the men’s room stands relatively empty. I’m not connected to modern construction or engineering or architecture; are people doing anything to address this when erecting new buildings or updating existing ones? It affects how people can participate in their lives. It brings fear to something that should be an effortless and comfortable human experience.
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I find myself celebrating when any kind of public space offers single-stall bathrooms and posts a sign that says, “restroom” outside of it. More than celebrating, I sometimes thank the owners or persons in charge, for providing such a simple and hospitable accommodation.
One word: Restroom. It clearly explains what the space is for, and it doesn’t have to designate which human can use it and how that person should look.
Restroom. Simple.
—Photo Matt Soar/Flickr
—Photo Curtis Gregory Perry/Flickr
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